no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
