i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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