Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
