i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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