Just fell off a train. Bad.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
