i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
How external is "for external use only"?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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