Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
