I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
