OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
