I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Randomize
