He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize