Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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