sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
