Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
