I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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