She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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