I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
