Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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