mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
