he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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