so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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