so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
