oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
