I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Randomize
