i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
