the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
