Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
