sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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