i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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