i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
