I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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