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I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize