did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
