There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
