Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Im part way to drunk.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
