she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
