I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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