ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
