dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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