This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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