I could have mohawked her pubes.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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