Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize