but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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