my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
