Non-Jews are for practice
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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