Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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