She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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