come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
