I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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