I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
