does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
