he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My dick has a subreddit
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
