I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
