I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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