i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
