you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
