I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize