It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
