its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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