he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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