I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
