yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
