Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
