I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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