my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
