I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
