Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
